1. You better carbs because you'll only eat at one place the whole time - Vapiano.

If you're on a budget just keep asking for more of the free bread and load up on gummy bears on your exit. For extra entertainment, you can watch all the pro riders trying to find their Team Manager with the company credit, and then trying to convince them to pay for their meal.

2. Don't fuck up your hotel room.

Flash back more than a decade ago and ex-ride uk editor Nathan Beddows checks in to the Park Inn hotel with only a faint memory of his unruly behaviour the previous year. However, the Chase Hawk lookalike receptionist greeted him with, "Ah Mr Beddows, here's your bill from the damage you caused last year. Have a great stay." 

3. Don’t get an early flight home.

Getting an afternoon flight home on the Monday will increase your life expectancy by 5-6 years. Sunday night is notoriously one of the craziest and it’s literally a booze carnival of self-reproach and debauchery where 70+ riders are already fighting a 4-day hangover - which has now escalated in a drowsy and drunken massacre. Be smart and attend the airport at a reasonable hour or suffer the consequences.

4. Estonian is a complicated language.

Luckily for most of you, pretty much everyone speaks English.

5. The shuttle bus to the contest is a hoot

...especially the return trip. Some of the most debauched behaviour of the weekend can be witnessed here.

6. Police in Estonia don't mess about...

So behave yourself when you're rolling back from the club at 7am. We even watched one well known American pro get chased from the Park Inn reception by two angry policemen, only to slip out of his t-shirt and their grasp, disappearing into the snow like a polar bear with a sniff of it's next meal.

7. Hungry shopper?

Luckily for you the contest is usually sponsored by a snack company, whether it's an eastern-European chocolate bar you've never heard of or Doritos, they've got you covered with snack attacks flying past your head most of the time. If booze is key to your enjoyment, avoid the steep bar prices and get yourself to the supermarket next door. 

Pent Talvet at the first event back in 2000 - Photo by Timo Toots

8. You might not know where you're going if you don't know where you've been.

25 years is a long time for a contest to run. That's older than a lot of the riders attending. Drop some history knowledge and win the respect of a disgruntled mid-schooler with a bad back watching via Facebook.

Risto with the SS18 judges and MC's Stoked on being pumped.

9. Take the jacket you think you won’t need.

You’re looking at the weather on your phone, you’re looking at your jackets and you’re thinking to yourself “I’ll be fine if I just take a hoody and a coach jacket”. Then you get there and you are greeted with the cold painful blizzard of the Baltics and you realize that nothing, not even Satan's loving embrace can warm you up. Last year I found myself wondering the lonely mall stores like Leonardo DiCaprio in the Reverent looking for the skin of a dead bear.

10. If you get excited and feel the need to throw yourself off the balcony into the crowd below at the afterparty, don't bother.

We've seen it go wrong a few times with bloody noses and tweaked ankles. In fact, Scheckler was the only one who seems to have pulled it off. One year a certain vlogging Alfredo ManCaliBro even fell off it just by standing there and trying to be a cool guy.

11. Keep your eyes peeled whenever exiting the shuttle bus...

High speed snowballs are constantly getting launched at anyone and everyone, so stay low and move quick. 

12. Drink in the day or die.

Before I go on, I would like to state that we at DIG do not condone drinking booze but we are also realists and journalists (kinda) who tell the story how it is.

BMX contests are great - but for everyone that isn’t riding it’s just a lot of sitting around and looking at tailwhips all day, sometimes 15 in just one combo. After a while you start to get numb, you do weird things like say “shall we get some food” 20 minutes after you’ve eaten. You also find yourself glancing at the clock and thinking, “Is 3pm too early to start drinking”? The answer is yes, but inside an area where time strangely turns in on itself - it’s really the only answer to enduring everything with ease. Survival is about lasting certain situations under adverse or unusual circumstances, Simple Session is all of those. 

Nip and tuck.

13. Get lucky? Chimney Sweeps in Tallinn continue to wear 19th century uniforms.

If you see one make sure you run over and touch one of their brass buttons. Myth has it that this brings good luck.

14. Find a safe place.

Simple Session is all around you. It’s like an impassive diseased blanket of decadence that wraps you up and feeds off you - it's love and hate in equal measures. The human body can only take so much vodka, pasta and awkward sleeping arrangements so you must find a safe place to recharge your life. You will not find this in the Park Inn, or the Park Inn lobby and you will not find this in the Saku Sports Hall. You may have to seek sanctuary at an undisclosed location.

Photo: Nicolas Jacquemin

15. It would be easy to assume such a big contest is coordinated by a massive crew of people,

but for most of the year it consists of a dedicated handful. That's a whole lot of work and not making their job any more difficult is always appreciated .

16. Like tattoos?

Take a break from the riding and go get yourself some sweet tribal in front of 30 people watching in the stadium itself.

17. Flying into Tallinn?

You won't be stuck for options. There's heaps of airlines that fly into Tallinn regularly. Look out for the magical door with no walls on either side, that takes you from no mans land into Estonia. A short 15 minute drive is all it takes and you're at the hotel.

18. Risto Kalmre and his team work their ass off to make Simple Session happen.

If you happen to see him or his brother Mario over the weekend (which you may well never as they're so busy), give them a slap on the back and show some appreciation.

19. Bring your pyjamas.

A few years back one BMX company owner forgot his and took a stroll in the middle of the night, while asleep, out of his room and into a Russian metal party a few doors down. All was solved after recovering a new key from reception wearing only a tight pink t-shirt and boxer shorts.

Not Chase Hawk.

20. If you're riding at the event and get asked for an interview, please watch Chase Hawk's from Simple Session 2008 and take note.

BEST EVER.

Get home safe!