"The worst filming process of my whole entire life." - Jordan Godwin Talks 'Out Of Line'
Going into battle for Wethepeople's upcoming full-length
17 Jun 2020
Interview by Tom Price-Jenkins
It's not been plain sailing for Jordan Godwin of late. Since the start of 2019 he's been at war with ankle and foot injuries and in the meantime trying to film for Wethepeople's upcoming video, 'Out Of Line'. He sat down with Tom Price-Jenkins a week before deadline to chat through the entire rigmarole from physical battles to mental angst, and everything in between...
"We don’t live in fucking California where all the spots are just sun and fucking daisies, you know what I mean?"
So the last 18 months or so has been… let’s just say difficult to say the least. I’ve seen that you’ve dealt with a few injuries and now the coronavirus pandemic. Talk to us, what’s been going on? What’s happened?
Well, the injuries have been playing a big part in it obviously, I think it was around January 2019 when the first one occurred. It’s been pretty much downhill since then. I broke my foot at the beginning of 2019, had about a month/two months off. They said it was all healed and I was good to go. I was like, “sweet let’s get back to it", at this point I only had around four clips for the DVD… I then rode for five days and on the fifth day I broke my foot, that took three months extra and that was pretty mentally draining.
Once I got back, I went on about three trips for the DVD and they were all really good, I say really good, actually they weren’t very good. Other shit happened during that time which didn’t help contribute to the whole ‘fun’ DVD process. What else did I break… I broke my… haha this is pretty irrelevant but I broke my big toe which was only a couple of weeks but that sucked!
More recently in December 2019 I was in Barcelona on a trip and I was suppose to go straight from there to what I think was the, fourth We The People filming trip for me? And I broke my ankle again, so I didn’t make the trip, I didn’t even get onto it! That was a bad break, took about four months until I got given the all clear. I really wanted to, knowing I didn’t have much time before the deadline, do it right and heal up really good. Then as soon as I got back riding, literally a week or two later the ol’ corn-dog started and I’ve been stuck in my house ever since haha!
So to say there’s been a few walls in the way of my filming process for this DVD would be an understatement. It’s felt like every time I would get back on a straight line, something would set me back and then I’d have to wait another three months. That has literally been the process the whole way through, ride for a month, set back three/four months, ride for a month, set back for three/four months. During the whole filming process its felt like there has been only one point that I was involved in the DVD, where I was able to really knuckle down and work as every other point was stop, start, stop, start. That’s no one fault, just really unlucky to be fair, and yeh its been… it has been the worst filming process of my whole entire life haha. Its been horrible and I can’t wait for it to be over so I can start something new.
So in total how many injuries have you had in the past 18 months whilst filming for Out Of Line? How many months have you been out?
I haven’t added that up but I can, the first break was short, my foot being maybe a month or two and then the ankle was quite bad. I’m pretty sure all together the foot and the ankle (the first ankle) was maybe four months? Nah, maybe three months.
"It’s felt like every time I would get back on a straight line, something would set me back and then I’d have to wait another three months."
I mean looking back on it I remember that January, February, March, and pretty sure into April you were out the whole time. I can remember you barely rode.
I remember I went to Dills (Dillon Lloyd) literally a couple of weeks after getting back on the bike, I just went straight to Canada. I’m just trying to get the time line pretty right, so I was in Canada in June, fucking hell we’re literally in June now. Umm yeh, so realistically it was probably just under six months for both of those injuries. Then I had my toe which was a couple of weeks and that time off wasn’t so bad. Then I had that really bad ankle break which was the full setback.
We were at what we thought was the closing stages of the DVD in December and I was like “right I can really knuckle down now”. Literally the trip before Barcelona I remember feeling like, I was back in the flow, I can make this happen and I can make it work. Then I snapped my ankle haha. That was pretty much going from low to lower but yeh that one was in December. Which meant that I was off the whole of December, January, February and March.. So that was another 4 months.
So thinking about it, you have basically had 10 months to a year out in the last 18 months?
Yeah, when you add it like that, three months for corona virus? So yeah, a year easily.
"Having a better diet helps so much for healing and I’ve first hand got to witness that."
I’m aware that the doctors misdiagnosed you and that added a strange twist on things. Why is your body weird and how did it somehow fix itself when they said it was going to take longer?
Well, basically, I’m sure if anyone has read any interview from me this interview question/topic comes up quite often. When I use to race motocross I shattered both of my ankles and they have a tendency to do whatever they want now haha. So the last injury the doctor said that it could be a month until I was able to ride again. I then went back to the hospital and they said it needed an operation and that they couldn’t get me in for a couple of months to fix it. So I didn’t really know what was going on during the whole process. All I knew was that the day I broke that ankle was the day something needed to change.
I couldn’t just keep breaking my ankle like that, it just wasn’t good. So I changed my diet, started thinking more consciously about my body and yeh. I went back to the doctor they basically said, “well its healed”. So I think that was a point for me where time got confusing because they said that I needed the operation but due to me changing my diet drastically I guess it just helped heal a lot quicker than what they thought. Also the doctor who treated me was the same guy who fixed them when I shattered them both years ago, so he fully knew they weren’t in good shape.
So the reason why it was so confusing and why the time wasn’t as long to heal as expected was, what I feel to be me drastically changing my diet in hopes that I would be able to get on the bike quicker. I would definitely confirm that it worked because I was meant to have an operation and they then said it was fixed. I said that’s pretty fucking black and white really that having a better diet than I previously had does help healing bones. Im still on that diet now because it obviously worked and I want to keep my bones as strong as possible.
What's the main thing that’s helped you which could help others during the recovery process from these sorts of injuries? Would you say it’s diet orientated or other things as well?
For recovery process? Yeah, one-hundred percent diet. Diet is the main thing for me, honestly I’m not the healthiest person. I would not claim that I am the healthiest person in the world but just having a better diet helps so much for healing and I’ve first hand got to witness that.
ALSO, do what the doctors say. When it comes to recovering and the basics, the doctor knows what’s right. Yeh, there are a few doctors who do say you’ll never ride again, blah blah blah… but you just need to listen to what they’re saying. You know what I mean? Just do the basics. The doctor is a good person to start listening to and you’ll be fine.
The third thing that everyone forgets about when healing is that, it’s not just your bones you’re trying to look after it’s also your mind. I think that people forget that and don’t really pay attention to it as they haven’t necessarily injured their mind, it’s just their bone. However after a month or so, it definitely starts to take a toll on you and depression and anxiety starts creeping in and you can find yourself in a dark place. So I think, looking after your mental health is very important during an injury itself, I find staying stimulated is key to a good recovery. At times you can come out of an injury and you’re in a horrible place and it takes a while to get back to a normal headspace. Prevention is better than cure so if you can prevent the whole mental fucking meltdown you’re on to a winner really, then you just have to heal the bone haha. Just staying positive as well if you can, its so easily said and that phrase gets thrown around willy-nilly but its one-hundred percent a main thing when healing from a bone. Just try to stay positive because when you get yourself into a hole, its not a fun place to be.
"Looking after your mental health is very important during an injury itself, I find staying stimulated is key to a good recovery."
The pressure of filming is stressful enough but combining that with the injuries you’ve had can’t be fun. How have you dealt with the pressure and anxieties of meeting the deadlines and the whole mental health aspect associated with effectively pulling a whole section together in such little time?
All in all, I would probably say… nah I’d definitely say, that I handled it terribly. I think I learnt a lot though, a lot about myself and a lot about mental health. I’ve learnt how my brain works and what gets me feeling down. Theres still a lot to learn I guess but I have learnt a lot about my own headspace and I’d probably say say yeh, I handled it fucking horribly... There was one point where I handled it good and that was the second ankle injury in December, I knew what was coming as it happened earlier in the year and how that first got me down. I made a big effort to change my diet, I was like, “I just need to focus on getting back to normal”. So I was able to direct my thoughts and in the end I think that helped me handle it well.
Then coronavirus came around, that was a weird one, that got me down the most, that really fucking broke my brain into pieces for a minute. I was in a bad way. I think I overestimated myself, I thought I could just deal with it because I’ve dealt with all these injuries but it turned out to be so much worse than what I expected. I was like, “oh this is basically an injury without the injury, I’ll be fine” but it was nothing like that. Just, not being able to not see your friends kinda started it, I mean everyone went through it. However adding the pressure of, “oh I need to finish this part” but then my friends, understandably don’t want to come out filming, my friends understandably don’t want to be out riding. So you then feel like you're forcing people to do something they don’t want to do and I am thankful for the people that did come out filming - cheers Tom haha!
But no seriously I am thankful for the people who did come out filming and I really appreciate it. Sometimes I don’t show it as I’m in such a zone trying to ride but I am really thankful for everyone who’s gone out of their fucking way to do something for me during this process. Pretty much just helping keep my brain in check, I was loosing it. But yeh, the combination of people not being able to ride, whilst having to film a very important video part wasn’t good. Also the combination of having to film a video part and not being able to session with your friends sucked. You have to just go and do this shit, then after there was nothing else, you’d just go home. Then the next day it’s the same thing, and it really got to me, a lot, yeh. It was fucking… yeh, that coronavirus really got me down haha.
"I have found the worst and best in myself during this process."
Did you think you’d make it this far and actually have a full dialled section ready in time considering what you’ve been up against?
What I would like to say, before I answer this question is that, haha. The part isn’t done, and we’re a week before the deadline. But if i’m honest, I didn’t think the part… nah haha. I gave up all hopes. I really gave up hope after the healing from the last ankle injury in December.
I remember I came back after that and was like, “right I’m back… I can do this”, I was really motivated but I knew it would be hard as I only had a few months. Then when coronavirus came along, I really lost all hope. I was like, “this is it…, there’s no part, the part is done”. But mainly thanks to Mr Paul Robinson for consistently telling me that everything was going to be okay, I’ve been able to get through it. He did play a major part in keeping me level headed, so I need to thank him as well. Then yeh, again thanking my friends for coming out and persevering through this bullshit as they didn’t have to do it. They persevered through all this unnecessary shit, they could have been just sat at home relaxing knowing that they didn’t have to work because of this coronavirus but nah, they decided to come and put in work for me. So I appreciate that as well.
The answer to the question really is, nah, no! There was a point where I thought the part was fully done for, I lost all hopes in it. Paul kept telling me that it was going to be okay but I still don’t believe it haha! I honestly haven’t seen the part in all its entirety yet and I don’t like it haha! I don’t like it! I don’t like the part haha! Not because of the way its made, but because I’m just not happy with my riding and I feel that I didn’t get what I wanted from it. But I’ll be back for vengeance on the next project guys! Don’t worry haha.
Everyones probably bored of hearing it by now but going back to Coronavirus, has it been difficult not going on trips since you’ve been back on the bike? In the past you’ve gone away for weeks/months on end filming and riding. Whats it been like having to effectively ‘work from home’ and not ride those perfect spots from around the world?
Working from home haha! I thought about this the other day, the last trip I went on for the DVD was a year ago. I haven’t been on a trip for the DVD in a year and I thought about it and how crazy that is. It made me feel kinda good about myself in a way, with somehow making it this far without even going on a trip. For me, I feel like it’s been an achievement. Like at the end of the day, Tom you know, we don’t live in fucking California where all the spots are just sun and fucking daisy’s, you know what I mean? You don’t turn up to a rail and its waxed, you turn up to a rail and its snapped in half haha. No disrespect to anyone in California but over here its fucking hard and not being on a trip for a whole entire year to specifically go filming… I don’t know if its the spots either, I think its just being on a trip, you have that motivation really. You see someone getting something sick and it just pushes you to get something sick, but I’m home. I’m just riding home town spots and it is so easy just just put it off and be like, “ah I’ll just do it next week, that’s all right it’s only down the road”. It’s a weird feeling filming a DVD section pretty much only in hometown spots, it has been a weird thing. Not all of it is hometown spots but this last stint has all been filmed locally. Strange feeling going back to spots you haven’t rode in years and it does just dampen the vibe a bit, it dampened my motivation and nearly killed it off completely for me. I guess though that discipline over motivation really had to take its toll and I had to be like, “well I’ve got to try it”, which, in turn got me into a lot of sticky situations and crashes haha!
"The last year and a half has just been a fucking rollercoaster of emotions and mental battles."
Have you’ve found it hard to find new spots/come up with new combinations locally?
Actually that’s one good thing that has come out of all of this, I have found so many new spots locally that it’s actually outrageous! However coming up with tricks I’d be happy with and shit or tricks I want to do has been the biggest struggle. No motivation pretty much means that you don’t even want to think about it and you just don’t want to do it. I’m the type of person that, if I’m not happy about doing it then honestly I just naturally won’t put 100% in. I have tried to put my one-hundred percent in the whole time because video parts mean a lot to me but it has been a real struggle fighting with myself to do stuff. So yeh, thinking of shit to do on old spots has been impossible but at the same time, I have found a lot of new shit.
When we spoke the other day, you mentioned that it’s funny that this whole section has been filmed mostly by homies, I swear you said something along the lines of “one of the most homie filmed section to date”, have you found this a blessing in disguise or a nightmare? Have you been able to push yourself as hard as you usually would have or not?
Uhhh, I found it really hard to push myself, that’s not to do with who has filmed it that’s just to do with the old spots. I think it’s been a blessing hanging out with all my friends and trying to film a DVD part. However it’s been weird, like really weird. I’ve been so use to filming parts and going somewhere and that’s when your mentality changes. It changes a lot when you’re going somewhere to do something and I think that trying to mix that mentality with home spots and your friends is weird. Its just a weird combination but at the same time I have had a lot of fun hanging out with all my friends. Once again, I feel like I can’t thank anyone enough for coming out and filming me. It’s been been a right laugh off the bike, but on the bike it’s been really hard.
"I ride worse under pressure."
Ignoring time restraints, injuries, coronavirus, not being able to travel, what else has affected the process this time around? Whats been the biggest challenge?
Oh god, there was a lot of fucking shit the last.. two years? I kinda want to say two years but ummm… the last year and a half has just been a fucking rollercoaster of emotions and mental battles. I feel like they would have been there even if this DVD wasn’t happening but its just added pressure. The biggest thing overall has just been headspace. I feel like I’ve really struggled with my mental health, I’d be lying if I said it was depression but anxiety has definitely been a bad one. I think I have learnt how to deal with these things and my anxieties though. However there was a load of shit that was thrown into the pot that made it hard. My granddad passed away and that was pretty fucking horrible. It had a delayed effect, when it happened I was okay but then after it really got me down, for a bit too. Also then the injuries didn’t exactly help anything which we have already mentioned. My mum went into hospital a few weeks back which was a weird thing too and that was right at a low point for the fucking coronavirus thing. It just seemed like, the timing of everything came all at once, nothing was spread out. It’s just been really intense, multiple things going wrong all at one time. When its spread out you can handle each thing a lot easier but I’ve found that during this process it would be one problem, then another, then another and so on. Everything was just all there at once, even when I was able to get a little breathing space another thing would just happened. So for some unknown reason, everything just piled on top of me at once and it was fucking horrible.
I always find that everything happens at once and then nothing happens when nothings going on. It’s just how it is.
Yeah yeah yeah, definitely. So as a whole, the biggest struggle was just staying positive, that was the biggest struggle. Just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Motivation is key and given what you’ve been through it must of been hard at times to find that, what’s been keeping you going and who has been the biggest motivation for you to keep pushing during Out of Line?
Well this is funny because this is the question that I wanted, haha. This is my reason to show all the love I’ve got now to all the people that matter. So, Tom Price-Jenkins being one of them, he’s kept me going 100%, maybe not in the way other people have but he came out filming and helped motivate me. Everyone has played a key role to me even though they weren’t trying to, they just have. So Tom, you were coming out filming a lot, (BLANK) and all the Bristol boys, (BLANK) doesn’t want credit for anything but he’s done loads, all of those boys have. They all played such a massive part in the rear end of this fucking shit show, where it really got low. So (Blank), Tom, Chef and all those Bristol boys who came out on any of those days, Scott too, my mum.. Obviously mums see everything and she’s got to see me at my fucking lowest, got to see me breaking down in fucking tears in this kitchen just over a DVD. I cried over a DVD lets just think about that haha, I’m not look for any sympathy or anything like that and I don’t want to be a hero but all of this meant a lot to me. I broke down about some stupid bmx DVD, hahaha!
So yeh my mum, I want to thank my mum, obviously Paul… Paul and my mum were the two that kept me going mentally, I talked to them a lot about how I was feeling. They kept me up, they kept me afloat the majority of it. So yeh, Paul, my mum, Tom, the Bristol boys, ANYONE who came out filming on ANY of the days. Anyone I had a conversation with me about my headspace as I know there was a few people, Alex Evans being one of them. We had a good few conversations about what was going on with each other. Yeah I guess, just anyone I got to hang out with in the rear end of this shit storm that listened to me babble on about bullshit really. I just want to thank them because without any of those conversations, it could have been the end, I could have just given up. I was close to giving up on more than one occasion. But yeh, there’s hundreds of people! Uncle Tony all them boys, all the Bristol boys, Tom, Paul, my mum. The list is never ending haha!
"We were at what we thought was the closing stages of the DVD in December and I was like “right I can really knuckle down now”.
Let’s shoot some quick fire questions to finish off. Whats one thing you’ve been hyped on during this process?
The end of it, haha. Nah that’s a complete lie! That’s just me being an idiot. The one thing I have been hyped is hanging out with friends. Doesn’t matter who they were, anyone who I got to hang out with during this whole DVD process I enjoyed.
Whats one thing that you have hated?
Do you ride better or worse with the pressure?
I have a mixed opinion on that, if its like security guard pressure where you about to get kicked from a spot, 9/10 it’ll work out. However when it comes down to this sort of pressure I crash, I ride worse. Definitely, I ride worse under pressure.
What should we keep an eye on and look forward to seeing in Out of Line?
Hmm, ah, haha you asking from me or in general? Uhhh, fucking amazing video parts from my friends.
Final question, Out of line, what’s your honest opinion on it with everything considered?
I’ve had a long time to think about this question haha, honestly its pretty much all I have thought about the past five months. I still don’t have a solid answer, Out of line has been… an absolute rollercoaster. It could not define the phrase love/hate more than anything I’ve experienced. Nothing defines it better, I cannot not think of a single thing that represents it more. I have found the worst and best in myself during this process, I’ve found myself at the lowest and I’ve found myself at the highest. So yeh, all in all, I never want to experience this video ever again. I cannot wait for it to be over but with that said I did also have some really fucking good times with my friends.
Any final words?
First and foremost, thank you to everyone at We The People for making good videos and spending time on shit. Once again, I’ll say it again, I’ll forever feel like I’m in debt to my friends for getting me through this shit, filming me, and being there whilst I’ve had the shittest fucking mindset ever. All those times they told me that I’ve got it and I can do it and just motivating me through this. So yeh, We The People for making videos as that has to happen for the BMX world to turn around. Yourself Tom, Paul, my mum, all my friends. Like the list haha, I want you to write this as well… the list for thank you’s is so long that I literally feel bad that I can’t write all the names for every individual person and give them all individual love. I literally feel bad but yeh. I just want to give a major thank you to everyone who went through this shit with me. I also want to say that… the last words, the last words! They’re important ones aren’t they haha? Yeah so, umm… please don’t ever let this happen again hahah, I don’t know what can I say? I wanna say something that has some sort of meaning or something. There’s no deeper meaning though so, yeh? Okay! Right I have the answer, so… the thank you bit is done. I really want you to emphasise this when you write this of how thankful I am to everyone who went through this shit with me. Then another last word, anyone that’s dealing with any sort of mental health, just talk about it with your mates, talk about it with your mum or your dad or any of your family. Just fucking talk about it because keeping it bottled up will tear you apart from the inside out. I know it seems like a good idea at the time but it’s really fucking not. So yeh, my last words are I guess… if you want to learn anything from my mistakes, if you have any sort of mental health issues, fucking talk about it. Spread awareness that it is a problem and it has, for me at least, made this whole experience terrible but I have learnt from it. Big thank you to everyone and I guess they're my final words, its not about the DVD its about a lesson.
One final thing, thanks Tom for interrupting my session of watching Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, going to go back to it now haha. P.s. My experience resembles Marvin from their, final words.
Also thank you Dig.
No tricks needed
"I could go on and on"