I cried like a big fat baby when my Ruption SRi snapped into sixteen pieces so don’t talk to me about shutting up my feelings you stupid ‘statement’ t-shirt. Crying is actually a powerful and pro-active way to counteract the feelings of anxiety that men struggle with daily.

There’s so much wrong with this t-shirt I don’t know where to start. All I can think is that the designer had a 15 second deadline because his boss needed to ship a box of ‘Chicks Dig Scars’ T-Shirts to Romania. I mean that’s not even a BMX on there… it’s like a toad walked into the studio and designed it himself.

Yeah that’s $24.99.

“Hey guys, what does X rhyme with? Anyone? Oh wait, it rhymes with BMX!” Says Mulder, the young intern. “Are you a moron? X rhymes with loads of things but so what, it rhymes with T-Rex but I’m not going to put a dinosaur riding a fucking BMX on a t-shirt am I?” Says Scully the senior designer for ‘Crappy Slogan T-Shirts Ltd’.

“That’s not a bad idea actually” says Mulder.

“Oh for fucks sake”, says Scully.

What is this, some sort of movement? Did Adam LZ design it? Every time I see this image I just want to drive up to those small islands in the North of Scotland and build a bunker to live out my final days in. 

It’s not a t-shirt so technically it shouldn’t be in this article but lets just stand back and admire it for what it is. I actually don’t know what it is. Really? What is it? I kind of want to buy it.

I already know what they look like. They look like someone who’s been inside a car park for the last eight hours spinning around on their back wheel listening to Balearic techno.

Right I’m just going to leave this here. No further comment from my side.

There is nothing wrong with being a proud dad. There is nothing wrong with being proud of riding a BMX. There is everything wrong about wearing a t-shirt that states that these two worlds collided therefore you should label it and eventually wear it. (Also, again thats not a BMX its a mountain bike, seriously what is going on).

It’s a storm trooper doing a foot jam on the edge of a skyscraper. I’m off to bed.