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14 Aug 2017

All About S&M's New Full-Length Video "Hot Dogs Who Can't Read"

Ever watch "Hot Dogs Who Can't Read" on Weeeed?


Words and photos by Rob Dolecki

Last month, S&M released its latest full-length video, called “Hot Dogs Who Can’t Read," at its 30th anniversary jam. It’s been three years in the making, with lots of tricks attempted, blood and sweat given, and herb consumed. The resulting 53-minute compilation of footage continues the quirky legacy of S&M videos, from “Feel My Leg Muscles, I’m A Racer” in 1991 to “I Wanna Live” in 2009.  And you can finally see Hoder’s epic three-attempt of the Levan Gap. S&M team rider/filmer Charlie Crumlish gave us low-down on all things “Hot Dogs Who Can’t Read”.

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Charlie with a feeble to sprocket stall to 270 to smith with no dick blood distractions, other than garbage trucks passing through every minute.

So, why did S&M decide to make a full-length video in this day and age?

We sort of just began with a trip to Mexicali three years ago and had a rough year-long plan to release it. Anyone who's made a full-length knows that things never, ever go according to plan, so here we are. I'm pretty psyched we've put it out in 2017 regardless of the original plan. There's the nice permanence that a solid-state video holds that still isn't the same as an online-only drop.

How did the final lineup come to be?

The lineup was pretty natural, it was basically a bunch of trips with different pieces of the squad and as the footage built up a few people had full-ish sections within a year or so of finishing. Hoder filmed his entire section within the last year of filming. Clint's came together really well on the last trip and he got his last clip and a few other clips to balance out the stuff we had from Austin, a few clips from Stew and off the Clint-cam (special thanks to his lovely wife Jaime for filming a few of Clint's clips too!). 

I had to really cut my shit down cause I was on all the trips filming. I had another song of clips I took out I was already feeling weird with my shit as a five-minute section, I get in my own head a lot about my footage and how I present it and shit. They're all tricks I liked but for whatever reason I favored the grimier clips I had from Buffalo, Texas and New York over Cali clips. 

Between filming trips, most of the team came to Texas or I went to their areas and we did sort of low-key film mission, kind of drive around and hit tons of shit riding. The last trip in the city was super-fun though; pedaling around was pretty refreshing, and seeing Hucker ride Mullaly was pretty special, ha ha.

How did the “Hot Dogs Who Can’t Read” name come about?

A guy yells it at us on the street up in Vancouver in the opening clip in the video. He was a random good Samaritan walking by who pointed out the sign that said walk your bikes and I guess we looked like we were out there hot doggin' or something. I wanna go chill at the spot and give him a DVD.

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Clint's always down to take his signature lawnmower for a spin in the barn.

"Went nuts for three weeks, condensing three years of footage."

- Charlie Crumlish

When and what was the first clip filmed?

There's an ice 180 in La Habra in Craig's part that was before the idea for the video was hatched, then the clip fell through the cracks and didn't go in his Whammo frame promo, so we fit it in this video. Then Kareem has a 3 over a roof gap that was definitely around the same time.

When and what was the last clip filmed?

The last clip filmed is either Hobie's two enders that Shad Johnson filmed, or Derek's ender. Shouts to those two for coming thru last minute.

Who filmed your part, or did you rely on tripods?

I'm pretty lucky to have a bunch of great filmers on the team. Craig filmed most of it but Kareem, Hobie, Dan, Trevor and Schubert all held it down behind the camera for me. I think Erik Elstran and Jake Seeley filmed a few, then I got some somewhat last-minute Houston clips with Scott Marceau while we were in search of the perfect spot. It's out there somewhere.

Did you have a particular approach for filming your part?

I used to try to film a lot of stuff, like see a spot and try something really hard until I get it, but I broke my wrist about a year and a half ago, the little scaphoid piece that sucks and doesn't get a lot of blood flow. It's still a little fractured. I got it checked out almost a year ago and they said it wouldn't heal without surgery but what do doctors know anyway.

It's pretty much 100 percent now, but it changed my approach because I was forced to learn to look at spots a little harder to find things I could do without having to invest tons of bunnyhops forcing something to work just to get a clip. I'm way more setup-based now, but the thing about that kind of riding is that the clips come a little slower. I try not to force shit nowadays and I turn down more spots than I used to if a good idea doesn't come to me. Maybe turning down one would give me that extra hour that day, and I'd find my favorite clip lurking up the street that would work better. I got back to riding more in my head than on my bike, kind of how I grew up sitting in school thinking about tricks all day.

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Where did the ideas for the graphics, etc. come from?

The guy on the street really gave us a nice little launchpad for the whole thing. The front and back cover of the DVD I shot by bunnyhopping onto mustard and ketchup bottles in the tennis court at my apartment complex. It's still all over the place.

As the video came together we were using a lot of low-res TV static and Youtube samples (like how every other editor does now too; I see y'all, ha ha ha), so my pal and colleague Trent Barker suggested we use a VCR font to match that. Came together tight.

Whose part are you most hyped on?

Craig's and Hoder's I think. It was a tough call between the two for ender but I'm really proud of Hoder for the way he grew up for this part, as weird as that sounds, ha ha. He's on his health game hard and it shows in his riding. Craig's is special because he's an old friend and I trip out when I realize where we've ended up and everything. It's nuts.

What is the wildest thing filmed for the video?

Hoder. Bridge.

How many trips did it take to get the video finished?

One cubic shit ton.

Where is the footage mostly based?

There's a healthy amount of Texas footage because that's where I'm staying, and most of the dudes made their way here to film. The ones who didn't filmed a lot of shit in California, then I went to Seattle and we got a bunch of stuff there. Also Mexico, Oregon, Vancouver, New Jersey, New York, and a random New Orleans clip from a not very productive trip riding-wise, ha ha.

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Charlie taking the rare abubaca to the cleaners in NYC.

"While we were distracted by the dick blood, the van was broken into and my laptop was stolen, along with Trevor's wallet."

- Charlie Crumlish

Did you have any personal goals with this one?

Honestly just to get it done was a monumental task, I didn't want to start editing too much before the final trip to NYC we did about three and a half weeks before it needed to be at the duplicators. I got back from the trip and immediately started editing. Went nuts for three weeks, condensing three years of footage. I could compare it to automatic writing, where you don't have time to second-guess decisions and plan things out, it was more about the activity of editing and just doing it and seeing what emerged. Tweak a few things, have some more wine and a smoke, then dive back in.

What injuries happened while filming for it?

I mentioned before I've had a broken wrist for about half of the filming, Craig had elbow surgery and then dislocated his shoulder late in the going. Hoder had been in party mode and wasn't in the best shape at the beginning but now he's a goddamn athlete with a body carved from stone. Hobie broke his foot, Derek's had some issues with his back and so has Dan. 

At one spot in the Inland Empire we parked the van and hopped a fence to ride some fullpipes. While Trevor was getting a clip he fell and started bleeding out of his dick. At that exact moment while we were distracted by the dick blood, the van was broken into and my laptop was stolen along with Trevor's wallet. We went back and got the clip anyway because you can't let the spot win in these kinds of situations.

Kareem broke his elbow at Hollywood High then got disrespected by Ty Mo, ha ha ha. I hope Ty knows we're kidding around when he sees the clip of Kareem pulling a knife on his clip of him stomping it. We had to make some kind of joke about it. All love to those guys.

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Hoder cruising around during the last trip to NYC, and closes out "Hot Dogs Who Can't Read" with a belter of a section.

"I hope Ty knows we're kidding around when he sees the clip of Kareem pulling a knife on his clip of him stomping it."

- Charlie Crumlish

What possessed Hoder to try and 3 the Levan gap, and how much skin did he leave at the spot?

I wasn't there for that actually, our friend Zane and Jack Maddock filmed those. We went back a few times sitting and talking about if he should try it again and we eventually decided that he got away with a bank robbery on that try pretty much. Out of respect to Jimmy too, Hoder put the idea of doing it to rest.

How much would you have paid to have a Troy McMurray section in there?

I'll give him a P of 20 a G if he wants to film a section for the next one.

Who is your favorite S&M rider of all time?

Troy was my favorite rider growing up, my favorite character in the Dave Mirra game and shit too. He came to our local park in Niagara Falls NY on that tour Dave did and he told me and my friends his favorite color was clear.

If you were able to briefly disassemble the space-time continuum, who would be your dream lineup of past and present S&M riders for this video?

If I were able to disassemble the space-time continuum I would rearrange the entire S&M team and then travel back to when the pyramids were getting built in Giza so we could film a video there and maybe get some footage of the construction techniques they were using. Come back and open a masonry business.

How does this compare to past S&M releases?

I tried to sample a bunch of old clips/songs/pieces of S&M history. It's like the weird baby that was conceived in the S&M porno tape maybe? Any inspiration from previous releases? Definitely. Grew up watching "44-Something". It was a little before my time, but my friend got it on sale on Albe's or something a few years after it came out and we loved it cause it was so weird. Strange music, skits, samples, all that shit I think soaked into my brain more than I realized at the time. "BMX Inferno" made it into the video in some form, so did video 4 and Leg Muscles but the biggest inspiration was by far "Please Kill Me". Bob Serbo's my favorite BMX rider/filmer/editor of all time and that video was in heavy rotation when we were making videos in my late teens/early 20s.

How was it releasing it at the 30-year party?

A brap fest. Ha ha. It was pretty nuts seeing OGs and young people coming together and enjoying the same video in different ways. Going back to your earlier question, I guess that was my only real goal was making something true to the S&M legacy even though the riding has changed so much. Sean McKinney still thinks we suck though.

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Raise the roof. Hucker almost went through it multiple times at The Ramp Ranch in New Jersey, during the crew's final filming trip.

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